I have 8 lights on the front of my truck. My regular headlamps, my high-beams, my running lights and my fog lamps. 2 out of 4 sets of lights are on at any given time. No where on my truck exists any insignia, advertisements (save the Chevy logo) or even a bug shield for that matter.
I describe my truck to you because I want you to draw a mental picture of it driving toward you at a high rate of speed. Can you see it? Big, isn't it?
Fully insured, too.
So I ask, do you think me and my truck being a full 20 feet away from you moving at 65 miles per hour is a good time to pull out of a street/your driveway?
No? Then why does this happen 72 times a day?
I take this time and space to educate you on how to drive. It seems your 5 hour course has escaped your memory. Let's refresh:
This is a Stop Sign. Say it with me: Stop Sign. It means STOP. Now the trick to this sign is that once you have stopped and checked for on-coming or crossing traffic- you can go again. Granted, I agree this sign should be changed to "Pause for Safety" but until that happens just remember this: Stop, look, clear, NOW FUCKING GO. This sign does not mean stop, check your make-up, send a text, change the radio station, masturbate, pick your nose, then go when the person behind you honks. Let's review: Stop, Look, Clear, NOW FUCKING GO. That easy. Pay attention, though; there will be a test on this.
Our second lesson brings us to speed limits:
This is a speed limit sign
This is how fast you can and should go. We know you have no where else better to be, but we BEHIND YOU do. You can tell you are not doing the speed limit when you have a line of cars behind you doing the NASCAR pace motions. We are just itching to get by your 25 mile per hour ass. Please pull over and let us by before we are forced to pass you~~ endangering both yours, mine, and some poor schlubb's life who just happened to be in the other lane.
While we're on the subject of speed limit, let me introduce you to the state route sign.
This is an average state route sign. They are generally black and white and have some amount of numbers in them. THIS SIGN TELLS WHERE YOU ARE, NOT HOW FAST YOU SHOULD GO. Please bear this in mind as the NASCAR pace motions line up behind you, again. In the event of such a mistake, please see directions for Speed Limit Sign.
Sticking with motion, let's review the common brake and gas pedal
.............. STOP..................................GO
See how this works? The long up/down pedal make car go.
The wide left/right pedal make car stop.
The one on the right- go
The one on the left (now look at your hands and make an "L" with your thumb and first finger. That's your LEFT HAND) stop.
Oh, and one final thing:
If a car is parked on your side of the street, YOU MUST WAIT BEHIND IT UNTIL ONCOMING TRAFFIC CLEARS. Does this make sense? This is how the majority of side-street head-on collisions occur. Because some impatient asshole forgot he does not have the right of way. Well, let me remind you with both tons of my truck and all 8 of its cylinders. If you're looking to play chicken with me in your little mini-cooper, YOU WILL LOSE.
I would also like to offer some general advice:
If you can't see over the steering wheel, get off the road.
If you can't reach the brake and/or gas pedal, get off the road.
If you cannot distinguish red from green, get of the road.
If you have ever confused the brake pedal for the gas pedal, get off the road.
If you feel compelled to fuck everyone else over because you need wind in your hair and must do 110 mph to get to the red light; get off the road, then shoot yourself.
If you feel you don't have to use your turn signal because it is not the business of others where you are going, get over it and then get off the road.
If you are drunk, get off the road and pass out somewhere. Better yet, call me and I'll help you finish the case. But we'll drink it OFF THE ROAD.
And finally:
If you drive a mini-cooper, get off the road. You just look ridiculous.
