The Monthly Cycle

If you're expecting a post about menstruation, you are going to be vastly disappointed. The world has become too liberal with talk of personal body habits and happenings. I am not one of those people who feel the need to expound on every motion, illness, ache, or passing of air that my body incurs. No, dear readers, I speak today of the other monthly cycle. The utility bill. Every month I get a vast array of providers demanding money for the often shoddy service each supplies. Cable, phone, electric, natural gas. Oh yes, they all want their due for dropped calls, interrupted internet, power outages, and hiccups. I understand imperfection, for I myself am full of such. But what I do not understand is the bitter exchange of false hope that manufacturers and suppliers sell to us. All of us. Walk with me down the vicious cycle a moment. Your dryer took a shit. It happens. We know anything built in this modern day by China or India is going to break sooner rather than later. You head off to Lowe's or Home Depot or wherever to purchase a new dryer. The new ones are all fancy with their singing switches and wrinkle releasing auto starts. But what really draws you is that lovely star on the front with it's magical money saving glittery trail of ka-ching. Energy Efficient it boasts. Could save you $600 annually on your electric bill it falsely promises. The dryer is $1200. Please note: this product now costs more than my first car and will likely last half as long. $1200 for the dryer. It hopes to save you $600 on your electric bill every year (fine print warning: note it suggests how much laundry one does to save that money. Three 12 pound loads per week. If I only did 3 loads per week, I would probably save $2500 per year on my electric bill). Ok, fine. Let's pretend we do only 3 12 pound loads per week to save us $600 per year. Grab your calculators, folks. We will save $50 per month. $50. Ok, that's a trip to Wendy's we can now afford because of the magic dryer with its spell casting ka-ching star on the front. Here's what they didn't tell you. Electric Company no longer has to provide you with 110 kilowatt hours of electricity because of your magic dryer. You're only using 100 per month. At $.13 per kilowatt hour they just lost $1.30 that month from you. $1.30. That's $15.60 per year they lost on you. No, it's not that much. That's barely a T-bone steak at the Road House. Who would miss $15 a year? No one, right? Besides, they're getting you with a $35 per month delivery fee (I have never seen an electric delivery man. I think we're getting shafted here). Now let's say 12,000 of Electric Company's customers have same said fancy magic ka-ching dryer. $187,200 per year Electric company just lost. That's the CEO's salary. Gone. So your magic dryer is now going to result in one of two things; Either the employees of Electric Company taking a voluntary pay cut (yeah, right) or Electric Company must start charging more per kilowatt hour to compensate for the loss. We said they charge you $.13 per kilowatt hour right? This month, you got your regular bill with a notice informing you that due to blah blah blah operating costs, the service charge will be raised to $.20 per kilowatt hour plus a delivery fee hike of just 10%. Know why they say 10%? Because it sounds less scary than $3.50 more per month. That's on top of the $35 dollar delivery charge you're already paying. Ok, so $3.50 more per month for delivery and $.07 more per hour of electricity used. Oh, that's not so bad right? Break it down yearly, my friend. Your original, pre-magic dryer bill was $171 per year (110 kwh x $.13/hour. Let's keep it simple, people. My writing skills far out exceed my math skills. Have you read my posts? I suck at writing. Now consider how bad my math skills must be) plus your $35/month delivery fee. That's $591 per year. Your new, magic dryer bill shows 100 kwh @ $0.13 per hour which dropped you down to $156 per year if all numbers stayed static for 12 month. Plus your $35 delivery fee, so $576 per year. YAY! But they didn't stay static, did they? Electric Company needs to compensate for 12,000 magic dryers. Your new bill is 100 kwh @ $0.20/hour plus $3.50 more per month to deliver it making your annual cost making your new magic dryer bill $702 per annum! What the hell happened to saving $600 a year?!?! The manufacturer's of our lives LIED!! And I just lost my single combo, no onions, from Wendy's! See, they produce these things knowing full well the ramifications of them. And not only did they screw us on the magic dryer and its energy efficiency (time to really mind-screw you), they screwed you on the actual cost of the dryer, itself. You paid $1200 for it, right? Parts and assembly only cost Dryer Maker $200. Know why? Because some guy in Detroit lost his dryer making job 10 years ago because it was cheaper to make the dryer in India. The savings of outsourcing weren't passed on to we, the consumer. It was absorbed by the Dryer Maker. 10 years ago it cost him $400 to make the 'sell for' $800 dryer. But, then he discovered that he could make his $400 dryer in India for $200 but charge $1200 for it. People, we're really getting screwed here. We're getting screwed for convenience. For popularity. And it's on all ends. Dryers, cars, food, clothes, houses, cupcakes, toys, and batteries. Why are we rolling over, believing magic stars and allowing the rich to get richer? I don't know how to end this rant. As mentioned, my writing skills are sub-par. Perhaps I'll allow you, dear reader, to close this for me. Thoughts?