I have a crotch.
No, really, I do. A bone fide, genuine, 100% real vagina. It's there. It leads to various parts of the female human body like the cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. I got all those. I got boobs, too. Well sort of. They're small and hardly note worthy, but in the right push-up bra, they're there. Know why I have all these things? Let me tell you.
I am a woman. A chick. A gal. The softer sex. I am female, hear me roar.
I grew up in the 'tweener generation. This was post bra-burning but pre-"career woman". When women were still trying to get recognized as contributing members of society; after women got the vote, but before they got the pay raise.
The role of 'woman' in humanity has been so skewed we don't know if we're coming or going. But who do we blame? Bad news, ladies., it's us. And our mothers. And their mothers, too. Women can be held accountable for single-handedly messing up the dynamic of "family".
We wanted the vote, we got it. The 14th amendment says so. Here's what sucks: Only 73% of women over the age of 18 are registered to vote. I am one of them. But only 63% of women actually vote. I am not one of them. (see: http://www.infoplease.com/spot/womencensus1.html)
Then we wanted jobs outside the home because cooking, keeping a clean environment, raising our children, loving our husbands, running errands, helping with homework, cheering our young athletes on, braiding hair, defeating that stain on her favorite jeans and filling the air with the scent of cookies and pies wasn't 'respectable'. It was 'slave work'. It was demeaning. It was beneath us. Right. Sure. No, sorry, I can't agree with that.
For starters, let me express the fact that I like my bra. I love it in fact. Without it, everyone would see when I was cold.
Second, to all those power-women who just had to have careers, who had to show they were better than men I would like to say thanks. You have proven the age old sentiment that one gender is not better than the other, and is in fact just truly different.
We're different.
Men were built to be men and women to be women. By God, Allah, Aliens, natural design or whatever you believe; there has always been a left to a right, a stop to a go, an up to a down and a man to a woman. Its just the way it is. And like everything in life, one is not better than the other, they're just different. And equally true, one option may be more appropriate in certain situations over the other. Its just the way it is.
I should point out that I am in college right now. I am working my way towards a career that I'll probably never have and don't really want anyway. I love being in school, but honestly nothing could ever take the place of being with my husband and children. I love going on the kids' field trips. I love being home when the school nurse calls to say they can't make it through the day. I love not having to rush around for a babysitter or day care and most importantly; I love not missing a moment, as they go by so fast. I love being a mom and a wife and what other women would call "a disgrace to the gender".
I love the struggle of a one income household. I love that when I don't know what to do, my husband does. I love that he coaches soccer and opens jars. I love that he holds the door for me. I love when he says "mmmmmm" when I make pork chops. I love being a woman. I just hate being one in this, the 21st century.
My female cohorts think I'm nothing.
But here's the facts:
Before woman left the home and decided raising kids wasn't a good enough endeavor, there were no school shootings, there were no piercing's of the eyebrows, there were no metal detectors at the roller rink.
Before women left the home, a "gang" was 4 guys in a Thunderbird playing mailbox baseball and rumbling with other gangs, which seldom (if ever) lead to street wide hysteria and drive-by shootings. I'm not saying there was no violence, I am saying the violence was honorable and face to face. When a person had a beef with someone, they confronted them, toe to toe, fist to fist. They didn't sneak up on a house filled with children while holding an AK-47 wiping out half a neighborhood in the wee hours of the morning.
Before woman left the home, "sexual harassment" was called "chivalry". It was not only okay to tell a woman of her beauty, it was desired. It was not only okay to hold a door for a lady, it was expected. It was not only okay for a man to protect a woman, it was the noble thing to do. And it was not only okay to love your husband to the point of complete submission; it also meant he probably loved you, too, to the point of complete submission.
Before woman left the home, a man took pride in his ability to provide for his family. He didn't commit suicide because there was no work to be found, thanks to the quotas companies have to fill by providing positions for women.
Before women left the home, there was a tenderness in the air. The fairer sex really was fairer. We didn't brag about how many dicks we sucked at the party the night before. We didn't use men just for their money. We knew who our babies daddies were.
Fine, I'll play the Devil for a moment. Yes, some men looked at women as though they were property. Yes, some men thought women the lessor. Yes, some men would have never changed a diaper, cooked a meal, vacuumed a rug or washed a tee shirt. Some men. Not all men.
And before women left the home, I didn't have to puke through laundry commercials with a dad folding clothes. I didn't have to hear the term "at-home-dad" which is ridiculous. It just doesn't make sense.
What women don't understand is that its not about tradition. Its not about slavery. Its about what we were built for. If dad was meant to raise the children, he would have been given a uterus.
When there is love and acceptance of differences in gender, those "some men" are few and far between.
Don't believe me? Ask your parents. Ask your parent's parents. There was a tenderness between a man and a woman. There was a mutual respect for position. There was kindness, understanding, compassion, the ability to just be considerate.
Men and women took care of each other.
Men and women took care of their children together.
They are a compliment to each other and not meant to be competition.
I am going to continue being a worthless woman. I am going to continue to disgrace my "sisterhood". And I am going to raise my kids, not miss a moment, remind my son to protect his sisters and my daughters to respect their brother. I am going to allow my husband to spoil me with attention and affection simply because I have a crotch. And I am going to admire and revere my husband for having the strength of ten men, yet being able to hold me in his arms like I was made of ceramic.
But for the women who complain that men don't know how to treat a lady, blame yourselves.
You wanted equality (which is impossible).
It seems to me that you girls wanted the right to hold the door for yourselves, but wanted some guy to applaud you for it. Can't have your cake and eat it to, ladies. Let him hold the door. Just because we are capable of doing something, doesn't mean we have to do it.
Maybe instead of being woman and roaring, you might just try being woman and just saying "thank you".
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Stop interrupting my regularly scheduled programming!
I understand that we need leaders. I get that. But, why does everyone that calls themselves a leader/politician have to be a liar? Why can't there be honest politicians? Do those words just clash so much that they can not go hand in hand?
Today, here in the great city of Indianapolis, IN, we re-elected Mayor Ballard. Great, congratulations, you did it again! Now, let's move on to the important issues. Let's stop our city from circling the drain of that large toilet we call the American economy. Let's put our teachers back to work. Let's stop building sound barriers around our city and start fixing roads that actually need it. Let's stop buying $1,000 hammers that never get used. Let's stop buying $800 bar stools in our lottery offices! Let's do something for our city. Stop interrupting my regularly scheduled programming for your election results that are not final yet!
I am getting ready to get my workout on, I do my cardio while watching the Biggest Loser. While getting into the show, I am interrupted and shown the Indiana Roof Ballroom and the Democratic candidates supporters awaiting the results of the vote. I am shown a room full of people sitting at tables, the candidate is not even in the room. I am shown a reporter telling me that these people are supporters of said candidate who has not yet arrived, and they are just sitting here waiting....Thanks, I can see that myself! I am shown another reporter standing in the Murat Center with the supporters of the Republican Candidate, he is there with them. I am told by the reporter that they too are awaiting results. This BREAKING NEWS goes on for about 10 minutes, only to take me back to the Biggest Loser commercial break! They cut off the Biggest Loser and then bring us back to see the commercials that I always fast forward while watching my DVR!
So, tell me why it was so important for you to interrupt my workout for some rooms full of people waiting for some ballots to be tallied? I have been watching the little ticker go across the bottom of the screen. That had more exciting news than those rooms of people!
Now, we will have to hear about how the Mayor will get four more years, for the next 4 weeks! Yeah! But, it was important to cut into our regular programming. Not to mention that they had all of that streaming live on the news website. If I was really interested in what was happening in that room full of people just waiting, I would have went to the computer, sat on my fat ass, and watched my computer screen!
They always seem to choose the most exciting moments to cut into your shows with their boring news too. Doesn't matter what show you are watching, or what Breaking News they have, it couldn't come at a more inconvenient time! And, it is always something that could have waited a couple minutes more. Just until the end of the show when the 11 o'clock news comes on! Or, in some cases, the 10 o'clock news!
It is not always the politicians that break into our regular programming, it could be the drunk that decided it was a good idea to park his car in a local convenience store. Just an example, that I have seen here in this city before. Now, 9/11/01, that was Breaking News.....Osama Bin Ladin dead, Breaking News (I like how Obama credited himself for this one btw)....Heavy D passing away, not breaking news. Do you see what I am getting at?
So, what have we learned today? I am a huge fan of the Biggest Loser. Don't interrupt my show, I won't get cranky!
Today, here in the great city of Indianapolis, IN, we re-elected Mayor Ballard. Great, congratulations, you did it again! Now, let's move on to the important issues. Let's stop our city from circling the drain of that large toilet we call the American economy. Let's put our teachers back to work. Let's stop building sound barriers around our city and start fixing roads that actually need it. Let's stop buying $1,000 hammers that never get used. Let's stop buying $800 bar stools in our lottery offices! Let's do something for our city. Stop interrupting my regularly scheduled programming for your election results that are not final yet!
I am getting ready to get my workout on, I do my cardio while watching the Biggest Loser. While getting into the show, I am interrupted and shown the Indiana Roof Ballroom and the Democratic candidates supporters awaiting the results of the vote. I am shown a room full of people sitting at tables, the candidate is not even in the room. I am shown a reporter telling me that these people are supporters of said candidate who has not yet arrived, and they are just sitting here waiting....Thanks, I can see that myself! I am shown another reporter standing in the Murat Center with the supporters of the Republican Candidate, he is there with them. I am told by the reporter that they too are awaiting results. This BREAKING NEWS goes on for about 10 minutes, only to take me back to the Biggest Loser commercial break! They cut off the Biggest Loser and then bring us back to see the commercials that I always fast forward while watching my DVR!
So, tell me why it was so important for you to interrupt my workout for some rooms full of people waiting for some ballots to be tallied? I have been watching the little ticker go across the bottom of the screen. That had more exciting news than those rooms of people!
Now, we will have to hear about how the Mayor will get four more years, for the next 4 weeks! Yeah! But, it was important to cut into our regular programming. Not to mention that they had all of that streaming live on the news website. If I was really interested in what was happening in that room full of people just waiting, I would have went to the computer, sat on my fat ass, and watched my computer screen!
They always seem to choose the most exciting moments to cut into your shows with their boring news too. Doesn't matter what show you are watching, or what Breaking News they have, it couldn't come at a more inconvenient time! And, it is always something that could have waited a couple minutes more. Just until the end of the show when the 11 o'clock news comes on! Or, in some cases, the 10 o'clock news!
It is not always the politicians that break into our regular programming, it could be the drunk that decided it was a good idea to park his car in a local convenience store. Just an example, that I have seen here in this city before. Now, 9/11/01, that was Breaking News.....Osama Bin Ladin dead, Breaking News (I like how Obama credited himself for this one btw)....Heavy D passing away, not breaking news. Do you see what I am getting at?
So, what have we learned today? I am a huge fan of the Biggest Loser. Don't interrupt my show, I won't get cranky!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
It's Been Awhile!
Though I know it has been well over a year since we have shared any of our rants and raves with you, I felt it was time to get a few things off my very large chest! ( said it before Ragi had a chance to!)
Anyway, the world has pretty much gone to shit. It is not just the US. People are stealing babies, parents are killing their children, hell you can't even go to the local Village Pantry without looking over your shoulder to see who is holding the gun! Have we all gone mad?
Blame it on the economy, blame it on Obama.....I blame it on CPS! We can't spank our kids anymore and they no longer know right from wrong! They have grown up knowing that they can do whatever they want cause all they get as punishment anymore is a few minutes in the timeout chair! Damnit, smack your kids on the ass!!!!!! My parents did it to me and I turned out just fine. I have never stolen a thing, I knew that if I did, my dad would first make me return it, then I would have about a 2 inch thick welt that would go the entire width of my ass! I knew that there was a consequence that I did not want to happen!
Though I do blame the government for a large portion of our toilet drain circling, the people have a lot to do with it as well. People are just plain stupid anymore! Grow up, lose your sense of entitlement, get a job (McDonald's is always hiring), get off your lazy ass and contribute to society!
Don't even get me started on the rich folk either. I am so tired of them whining all the time that they have to pay higher taxes. You should, you have more money than you know what to do with. All of these pro athletes going on strike cause they don't get paid enough. I call BULLSHIT! Your 5 million a year is plenty to live on. And, if it isn't, then you need counseling for your spending addiction. I get it that you want a fancy car and house to show that you are a pro athlete. Nothing wrong with that. If I made $5 million a year, I would want that too. Yes, get a whole new wardrobe. You deserve it for throwing a ball in a hoop and running up and down the court several times a night. But, there should still be plenty for you to give back to the community that supports your team and pays outrageous amounts of money on tickets for lousy seats to your game.
Why are we wasting so much time and money fixing roads that don't need to be fixed? Fix the ones that have pot holes in them first, then worry about the rest when the time comes. How about we put those prisoners to work with some hard labor, out in the summer sun or blistering cold, working off their debt to society. Why should they get three square (hot) meals a day and a bed with a blanket and pillow, and a TV room, and a weight room, and play time every day when they committed a crime? Punishment is just that, punishment. No one wants to do it, that is why you don't get into trouble, so you don't have to go to jail! Put these bad guys and gals to work by cleaning up crappy neighborhoods, working on the bad roads, painting over the obscene graffiti that covers our bridges! We have United States Veterans that are sleeping on park benches, yet someone that committed a crime against society has it far better behind prison walls!
Don't even get me started on these idiots that run the oil companies. Bunch of thieves! They are posting higher profits every quarter while I am scrounging for change so that I can fill my gas tank and their pockets! If I could have a horse and buggy I would, but that just can't happen. There just isn't a hitching post outside of my work. I could ride a bike, yes, if I had one! But, I can't afford one since I have to hand all of my extra cash over to Uncle Sam!
This used to be a great country to live in, then we started electing government officials. If we must have someone run this country of ours, why not hire someone that will get the job done, not just go on vacation once a month? I vote for Joe Arpaio! I wish he would stop running for Sheriff of Maricopa County, AZ and just head to Washington, DC!
So, that is my rant for tonight. Don't worry, there is much more where that came from! Until next time, this is Ricki and that was my two cents!
Anyway, the world has pretty much gone to shit. It is not just the US. People are stealing babies, parents are killing their children, hell you can't even go to the local Village Pantry without looking over your shoulder to see who is holding the gun! Have we all gone mad?
Blame it on the economy, blame it on Obama.....I blame it on CPS! We can't spank our kids anymore and they no longer know right from wrong! They have grown up knowing that they can do whatever they want cause all they get as punishment anymore is a few minutes in the timeout chair! Damnit, smack your kids on the ass!!!!!! My parents did it to me and I turned out just fine. I have never stolen a thing, I knew that if I did, my dad would first make me return it, then I would have about a 2 inch thick welt that would go the entire width of my ass! I knew that there was a consequence that I did not want to happen!
Though I do blame the government for a large portion of our toilet drain circling, the people have a lot to do with it as well. People are just plain stupid anymore! Grow up, lose your sense of entitlement, get a job (McDonald's is always hiring), get off your lazy ass and contribute to society!
Don't even get me started on the rich folk either. I am so tired of them whining all the time that they have to pay higher taxes. You should, you have more money than you know what to do with. All of these pro athletes going on strike cause they don't get paid enough. I call BULLSHIT! Your 5 million a year is plenty to live on. And, if it isn't, then you need counseling for your spending addiction. I get it that you want a fancy car and house to show that you are a pro athlete. Nothing wrong with that. If I made $5 million a year, I would want that too. Yes, get a whole new wardrobe. You deserve it for throwing a ball in a hoop and running up and down the court several times a night. But, there should still be plenty for you to give back to the community that supports your team and pays outrageous amounts of money on tickets for lousy seats to your game.
Why are we wasting so much time and money fixing roads that don't need to be fixed? Fix the ones that have pot holes in them first, then worry about the rest when the time comes. How about we put those prisoners to work with some hard labor, out in the summer sun or blistering cold, working off their debt to society. Why should they get three square (hot) meals a day and a bed with a blanket and pillow, and a TV room, and a weight room, and play time every day when they committed a crime? Punishment is just that, punishment. No one wants to do it, that is why you don't get into trouble, so you don't have to go to jail! Put these bad guys and gals to work by cleaning up crappy neighborhoods, working on the bad roads, painting over the obscene graffiti that covers our bridges! We have United States Veterans that are sleeping on park benches, yet someone that committed a crime against society has it far better behind prison walls!
Don't even get me started on these idiots that run the oil companies. Bunch of thieves! They are posting higher profits every quarter while I am scrounging for change so that I can fill my gas tank and their pockets! If I could have a horse and buggy I would, but that just can't happen. There just isn't a hitching post outside of my work. I could ride a bike, yes, if I had one! But, I can't afford one since I have to hand all of my extra cash over to Uncle Sam!
This used to be a great country to live in, then we started electing government officials. If we must have someone run this country of ours, why not hire someone that will get the job done, not just go on vacation once a month? I vote for Joe Arpaio! I wish he would stop running for Sheriff of Maricopa County, AZ and just head to Washington, DC!
So, that is my rant for tonight. Don't worry, there is much more where that came from! Until next time, this is Ricki and that was my two cents!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Light Refracting Off Venus Into Swamp Gases.
The above title is somewhat true, pending on who's perspective you entertain. Certainly the thousands of people who have witnessed UFO phenomenon can attest to that. Maybe it was swamp gas, maybe it was aliens. We don't know. And there are things in this world I can graciously admit to being ignorant of. However, there is one thing I can not... And that is the logic and reasoning behind the family court system.
Go ahead and roll your eyes. "Rags is on another rant about the family court, doesn't she have anything else to talk about?"
No, in fact, I don't.
The epiphany I had yesterday occurred just after seeing my ex husband, the complete asshole that used me as his personal punching bag for nearly eight years, drinking beers with my 13 and 11 year old in tow...... at my 5 year old's father's house. This situation jarred me a bit. The idea of these two men, both of which are lousy fathers and even worse spouses, socially mingling together was quite disturbing. And to know that my 5 year old has not been a priority in her father's life (he has no time for her) made it ultimately betraying.
Back to my enlightenment of an idea that still bears no answer for me.
The question really is "Where is the line?"
Side tangent with me if you will...
It's Wednesday, and the trash can is over flowing. The garbage truck is due to come Thursday morning at the crack of dawn. I say to my husband:
"Baby, can you take the garbage out?"
"I'll get to it"
time lapse 1/2 hour
"Honey, the garbage, can you take it out?"
"Yup, in a minute"
time lapse another hour
"My love, the garbage really needs to go out"
"ALRIGHT! I TOLD YOU I WOULD, NOW QUIT NAGGING ME!!"
Nagging....
Ok, Same scenario. Wednesday night, the trash is over flowing. I say to my husband:
"Baby, can you take the garbage out?"
"Mmm Hmmm"
time lapse to crack of dawn Thursday morning as the garbage truck passes our house
"Honey, the garbage truck just passed. Did you take the trash out?"
"Dammit! Why didn't you remind me???"
So you see, there is a fine line between reminding and nagging....
There is another fine line- in the family court world... Its the line between educating and alienating
Any normal, loving mom, who has lost custody of their child to an abusive dad can attest to this. I am about to go off on my rant now. Bear with me.
A family lives in a neighborhood for many years, and one day out of the backpack of your child do you find a letter from the school that Pedophile A has moved within blocks of your home. Well, aren't we all tickled by this prospect. So, you take your daughters and sons to the kitchen to have the talk. The stranger talk. You pull his picture up on line to show your baby what this bad bad man looks like and you tell him how to stay safe. You map out a route for her to walk to school in, you even follow behind for extra precaution. You point out "safe homes" and teach him to use a pay phone. Or buy her a cell phone 'just in case'. You educate her. Educate, educate, educate. Every day, driving home the need to stay safe.
The teachers hear her talking to classmates relaying what to do if approached by this pedophile. 'She is so smart! Mom did a great job educating her. Now she's sharing her safety tips with friends. That pedophile doesn't stand a chance in this neighborhood!' And his teacher calls you. Praises you for your preventative measures! You're a PTA hero!
Now, after all that education, all the time spent trying to keep your child safe. All the countless hours going over back up plan after back up plan... What if some Judge forced you to send your child to that same pedophiles house, because you EDUCATED her on how dangerous he is.
The family courts do not see this as pro-active planning in the effort to protect. They see this as Alienating.
When that pedophile you are trying to protect your child from is that child's father, the family court system does not allow the mother to keep that child from harm's way. Mom is ORDERED to hand her child over into the hands of the devil. The judge will even arrest and jail the mother for interfering with dad's access time. And then the unthinkable happens. For daddy dearest, raping his child on the weekends isn't enough. He takes mom to court and sues for sole custody and guess what? He is almost guaranteed to get it. Then he can rape her at will. And there is nothing mom can do about it. Dad has arranged it that mom can no longer see her because she has alienated him from his child's life by EDUCATING HER, she is no longer allowed to see her baby because Dad now needs to 'deprogram' her from mom's verbal abuse.
So the child is forced to live with her father. Forced into being raped and beat. Neglected and abused. Tortured. And mom is forced to dump thousands of dollars and hours into a system that failed to protect her child to begin with.
This is how it is everyday for many of us. We are forced to hand our children over to someone who will continually abuse them. We are forced often with our lives and freedom to watch the assaults unfold. We are forced to endure the shame and humiliation with our child because it is the aftermath we most often witness. We are forced stand by, and wait on our lawyers or a law guardian's word that this time will be different. New judge, new laws, new Law Guardian, new county. But the result is always the same if not worse. The new judge grants dad more time, or strips mom of all her parenting rights. Forces mom into living in a car because dad needs child support. That is his right as sole custodian. It is his right to interfere with mom's access because its in the best interest of the child to not hear bad things about dad from mom... far better is it for dad to abuse the child than for mom to protect her.
So where is the line between educating and alienating?
It must lie somewhere in the vicinity of that other line.... the one between Justice and Family Court.
Go ahead and roll your eyes. "Rags is on another rant about the family court, doesn't she have anything else to talk about?"
No, in fact, I don't.
The epiphany I had yesterday occurred just after seeing my ex husband, the complete asshole that used me as his personal punching bag for nearly eight years, drinking beers with my 13 and 11 year old in tow...... at my 5 year old's father's house. This situation jarred me a bit. The idea of these two men, both of which are lousy fathers and even worse spouses, socially mingling together was quite disturbing. And to know that my 5 year old has not been a priority in her father's life (he has no time for her) made it ultimately betraying.
Back to my enlightenment of an idea that still bears no answer for me.
The question really is "Where is the line?"
Side tangent with me if you will...
It's Wednesday, and the trash can is over flowing. The garbage truck is due to come Thursday morning at the crack of dawn. I say to my husband:
"Baby, can you take the garbage out?"
"I'll get to it"
time lapse 1/2 hour
"Honey, the garbage, can you take it out?"
"Yup, in a minute"
time lapse another hour
"My love, the garbage really needs to go out"
"ALRIGHT! I TOLD YOU I WOULD, NOW QUIT NAGGING ME!!"
Nagging....
Ok, Same scenario. Wednesday night, the trash is over flowing. I say to my husband:
"Baby, can you take the garbage out?"
"Mmm Hmmm"
time lapse to crack of dawn Thursday morning as the garbage truck passes our house
"Honey, the garbage truck just passed. Did you take the trash out?"
"Dammit! Why didn't you remind me???"
So you see, there is a fine line between reminding and nagging....
There is another fine line- in the family court world... Its the line between educating and alienating
Any normal, loving mom, who has lost custody of their child to an abusive dad can attest to this. I am about to go off on my rant now. Bear with me.
A family lives in a neighborhood for many years, and one day out of the backpack of your child do you find a letter from the school that Pedophile A has moved within blocks of your home. Well, aren't we all tickled by this prospect. So, you take your daughters and sons to the kitchen to have the talk. The stranger talk. You pull his picture up on line to show your baby what this bad bad man looks like and you tell him how to stay safe. You map out a route for her to walk to school in, you even follow behind for extra precaution. You point out "safe homes" and teach him to use a pay phone. Or buy her a cell phone 'just in case'. You educate her. Educate, educate, educate. Every day, driving home the need to stay safe.
The teachers hear her talking to classmates relaying what to do if approached by this pedophile. 'She is so smart! Mom did a great job educating her. Now she's sharing her safety tips with friends. That pedophile doesn't stand a chance in this neighborhood!' And his teacher calls you. Praises you for your preventative measures! You're a PTA hero!
Now, after all that education, all the time spent trying to keep your child safe. All the countless hours going over back up plan after back up plan... What if some Judge forced you to send your child to that same pedophiles house, because you EDUCATED her on how dangerous he is.
The family courts do not see this as pro-active planning in the effort to protect. They see this as Alienating.
When that pedophile you are trying to protect your child from is that child's father, the family court system does not allow the mother to keep that child from harm's way. Mom is ORDERED to hand her child over into the hands of the devil. The judge will even arrest and jail the mother for interfering with dad's access time. And then the unthinkable happens. For daddy dearest, raping his child on the weekends isn't enough. He takes mom to court and sues for sole custody and guess what? He is almost guaranteed to get it. Then he can rape her at will. And there is nothing mom can do about it. Dad has arranged it that mom can no longer see her because she has alienated him from his child's life by EDUCATING HER, she is no longer allowed to see her baby because Dad now needs to 'deprogram' her from mom's verbal abuse.
So the child is forced to live with her father. Forced into being raped and beat. Neglected and abused. Tortured. And mom is forced to dump thousands of dollars and hours into a system that failed to protect her child to begin with.
This is how it is everyday for many of us. We are forced to hand our children over to someone who will continually abuse them. We are forced often with our lives and freedom to watch the assaults unfold. We are forced to endure the shame and humiliation with our child because it is the aftermath we most often witness. We are forced stand by, and wait on our lawyers or a law guardian's word that this time will be different. New judge, new laws, new Law Guardian, new county. But the result is always the same if not worse. The new judge grants dad more time, or strips mom of all her parenting rights. Forces mom into living in a car because dad needs child support. That is his right as sole custodian. It is his right to interfere with mom's access because its in the best interest of the child to not hear bad things about dad from mom... far better is it for dad to abuse the child than for mom to protect her.
So where is the line between educating and alienating?
It must lie somewhere in the vicinity of that other line.... the one between Justice and Family Court.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
A failure to communicate?
Most of you, if you had been following us on the dailybs, will know my plight with the American Custody Battle.
In the 3 years since I started that series, oh how educated I have become. I have gotten beat up web wise by some of the more illustrious father's rights' groups. And the threats to my inbox have been amusing at best. Oddly enough, they prove my point about what that gender is truly like at their core.
Some of you may remember from earlier stories that I was married oh so many years ago. This man, and I use that term loosely, was the most violent of people. He wasn't always that way however. In the beginning of our relationship he was kind and loving. That changed almost immediately after we got married. No, that's not true, it was happening before we wed but not with such frequency. However, it was after we wed me being a whole 18 years old, that it really started to turn.
What I find confusing about the whole situation of victims in a violent marriage is the shame in which people look upon us. We get the gambit of questions;
"Are you stupid?"
"Why would you stay?"
"I can't believe you're dumb enough to put up with that"
"How can you be so stupid"
Ladies and gentlemen, let me ask you something. If your son or daughter, or mother or father for that matter went to war and got captured by the enemy, was held as a POW for 7 years and then finally managed to be released but not without damage.. Would you then ask that person why he stayed or how she could have been so stupid to get caught?
Guess what? Marriage to an abusive man is the SAME EXACT THING..
He beats on us, starves us, drags us out of bed for no apparent reason at all of hours of the night. Our bones get broken, we get raped and tortured... the only difference is its happening in our home and not in some foreign country somewhere. We are held prisoner for years. Threats of and actual abuse forces us to stay. And then comes the terror of knowing that if, IF you can escape, chances are he'll kill you. 80% of domestic violence homicides occur AFTER she leaves for help. That means a victim has less that a fifth of a chance of surviving.
Now here's the bloody part. We escape, and somehow manage to survive long enough to get to court and file for divorce, file for custody and basically beg our GOVERNMENT for help in protecting our children... And some family court judge, an idiot in a black robe, hands our young children off to that very same man we escape from. The one that decided raping us wasn't enough, he had to move on to our young daughters. So that now, we worry about how much torture our children are suffering. When we intercede to protect a life that cannot protect itself we get held in contempt of a court order and thrown in jail.
Why do we stay? Because its so much less stressful and damaging to be able to protect our children from him, than it is to protect them from the family court system.
That's why.
In the 3 years since I started that series, oh how educated I have become. I have gotten beat up web wise by some of the more illustrious father's rights' groups. And the threats to my inbox have been amusing at best. Oddly enough, they prove my point about what that gender is truly like at their core.
Some of you may remember from earlier stories that I was married oh so many years ago. This man, and I use that term loosely, was the most violent of people. He wasn't always that way however. In the beginning of our relationship he was kind and loving. That changed almost immediately after we got married. No, that's not true, it was happening before we wed but not with such frequency. However, it was after we wed me being a whole 18 years old, that it really started to turn.
What I find confusing about the whole situation of victims in a violent marriage is the shame in which people look upon us. We get the gambit of questions;
"Are you stupid?"
"Why would you stay?"
"I can't believe you're dumb enough to put up with that"
"How can you be so stupid"
Ladies and gentlemen, let me ask you something. If your son or daughter, or mother or father for that matter went to war and got captured by the enemy, was held as a POW for 7 years and then finally managed to be released but not without damage.. Would you then ask that person why he stayed or how she could have been so stupid to get caught?
Guess what? Marriage to an abusive man is the SAME EXACT THING..
He beats on us, starves us, drags us out of bed for no apparent reason at all of hours of the night. Our bones get broken, we get raped and tortured... the only difference is its happening in our home and not in some foreign country somewhere. We are held prisoner for years. Threats of and actual abuse forces us to stay. And then comes the terror of knowing that if, IF you can escape, chances are he'll kill you. 80% of domestic violence homicides occur AFTER she leaves for help. That means a victim has less that a fifth of a chance of surviving.
Now here's the bloody part. We escape, and somehow manage to survive long enough to get to court and file for divorce, file for custody and basically beg our GOVERNMENT for help in protecting our children... And some family court judge, an idiot in a black robe, hands our young children off to that very same man we escape from. The one that decided raping us wasn't enough, he had to move on to our young daughters. So that now, we worry about how much torture our children are suffering. When we intercede to protect a life that cannot protect itself we get held in contempt of a court order and thrown in jail.
Why do we stay? Because its so much less stressful and damaging to be able to protect our children from him, than it is to protect them from the family court system.
That's why.
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